Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
