if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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