why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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