i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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