If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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