so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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