..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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