; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
