What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
