i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize