Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
