It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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