i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
