well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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