My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
