I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
