i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
