You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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