meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
