Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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