2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
