Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
then he tried to convert me to islam
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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