My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
me + whiskey = a bad person
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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