The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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