I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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