11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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