there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
MIDGETS
????
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
