she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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