Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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