from now on my penis is your penis
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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