now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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