After last night, I could never be a politician.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
