Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
only you would photoshop your dick
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
