I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
