Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
