I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
