am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
