I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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