she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
