my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
