It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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