Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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