Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize