I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All I want is dick and wine.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
