im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
