I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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