The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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