Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
