i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
