Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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