You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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