My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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