I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
