Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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