my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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