It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
