she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
