I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
