Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
