Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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