dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
