I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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