I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
