She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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