I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
