Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
