I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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