I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
