Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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