I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
