I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't deserve a penis
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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