I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
